Other People’s Influence
The people you associate with (work with, live with, spend time with, etc.) can have a profound effect on you and your life. If this effect is negative, then it behooves you to do something about it. In some cases, it may be time to reconsider being around the person. Sometimes that’s not very practical, and you have to do what you can to minimize how much they effect you.
Before you do either, you have to consciously identify just how each person influences you.
Take a few minutes, and jot down the names of the ten people closest to you — coworkers, schoolmates, friends, family, others.
Now, for each of these ten people, answer the following questions as completely and honestly as possible. Give each question some thought, and try to think of specific incidences of each item.
Be brutal if necessary — you can tear it up afterwards, and they’ll never have to see it.
- What types of influence does this person have on my life?
- What values do I have in common with this person?
- Do I admire this person? If so, why?
- Is this person successful? If so, in what ways?
- Is this person a role model in some way? Do they enjoy the quality of life you aspire to?
- Is this person supportive? Do they offer positive feedback when others express their goals and visions?Do they validate others viewpoints?
- How does this person talk about others who aren’t present? Do they say good things? Do they demean or ridicule others behind their back?
Go ahead — start now. We’ll wait.
Did you learn anything new about these people? Did it change your view of your relationship with them?
List the net positive (or neutral) individuals. Give some thought to how you can strengthen your relationship with these people, and how you can build more relationships like these.
List the net negative individuals. Decide which ones it is practical to remove from your life. Take steps to get rid of them. For the rest, begin taking steps to minimize how much they can influence you — you’re already part way there; once you’ve become consciously aware of how their attitudes effect you, you can decide to allow yourself to be effected or not.
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Chuck Lawson
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